An Ode to a Spoon

I never thought a spoon would deserve a column. Until I fell in love with one. From the very first glance I knew this was the one: brilliantly designed, tastefully elegant, modestly shiny, and not mine...



Possessing it could brighten anyone's existence. No more awkward spoon maneuvering inside a narrow sugar or yogurt container. No more grains sifting along the sides of stylish yet slim, cheek-less spoons. Imagine, finishing all the milk with your cereal without needing a tablespoon or straw. Remember the unpleasant screeching sound when scratching the bottom or sides of a plastic or glass container with a regular spoon? This beauty's rounded contour would make it silent.

With a simple twist of your wrist, a soft little mountain of cottage or whipped cream majestically rests upon this spoon. Lift your hand a bit, and the spoon is right there, whispering to your lips. Think about the awkward elbow rotation, the longer travel paths to your mouth and the ridiculous diagonal fit of a regular spoon in it.

Left column: regular spoon. Right column: the perfect spoon. Note how both testers arms are extended in the left column as compared with the right and how regular spoon goes diagonally into mouth, while the perfect spoon fits naturally straight.

I’ll grant you that the lack of symmetry is unsettling, though thought-provoking and memorable. But isn’t that one of the reasons we like Picasso's paintings?

Afraid that asymmetry will lead to a lack of balance, I borrowed the spoon from the lucky owner (thanks, Rachel). In a Consumer Report-like testing environment we built at home, two testers used it for a week and raved of the spoon's superior usability. These two testers, who are notorious spillers, showed absolutely no issues with balance.

What are you saying? You are a lefty? Yes, you deserve a reversed copy.
Feeding your child? Sit to his right and just extend your hand, the spoon is already in his mouth. No need to play airplane, risking a spill of all contents before landing.
A fan of sporks? They are just undecided peasants compared with her majesty.

Do I deserve it? Me, who rarely notices how and what I am eating, distracted by the kids’ requests. Me, who could eat with a plastic spoon, crazy glued spoon or a spoon vandalized by a garbage disposal? Probably, not. Still, I will be searching for you, the perfect one. To own, to hold in my hands, to sip from it. My modest puzzling queen, I promise to adore you forever.